Nugget #6: No More "Yes...But"

How many times have you caught yourself or the person you are chatting with say "Yes, I agree/know, but..."?

Here is what happens when this line is dropped:

• The entire statement that you said you agreed with ("Yes") is invalidated by your "but...".

• The person who is told "yes, but..." feels that their feelings or contributions to the conversation are discarded and worthless

• The person who says "yes, but" loses credibility (I mean, you just say you agree, then right away demonstrate how wrong the statement is, c'mon!) and can be perceived as a negative person ("they're never satisfied, they always find a way to focus on the negative")

Think about it:

If you disagree with the statement, or partly agree with it, say it clearly. Breaking down the statement into smaller things you agree or disagree with allows to at least leave the conversation with something concrete, instead of "that conversation was useless, they're not even listening". As each point is validated or discarded, you get closer to resolution since you narrow down the things that need to be looked at.

Remember: a good trick to avoid the "yes, but" is to break your answer into separate sentences and use words like "now" to replace "but". This way, each sentence has equal weight, one does not overpower the other.

By using this trick, you also increase your chances of having the person you are chatting with join forces with you to find a suitable solution for all parties!